Why Do I Have a Watermelon?
by 32-47ishappiness
Summary: Post Silly love songs: It wasn't the best week for one Kurt Hummel. Not only did he witness the man of his dreams sing to another guy, but he also got rejected by said man. It's a good thing he made plans to go home this weekend. Maybe there he can relax and try to cheer himself up, and boy, did he get more than just that. He just wished he could remember it. HIMYM inspired fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, 32-47ishappiness here! Ok so this is my first story…Ever. So it may not be the best but I hope it's good enough. I sort of got the idea after watching a 'How I Met Your Mother' episode. Now, hope you enjoy! :)**

**EDIT: Ok so I came back to this story and I really didn't like it. So I added in some stuff and hopefully made it more enjoyable... I think, but anyways, it's going to get finished in no time. This is altered a bit. Not drastically just, altered. It is still the same concept though.  
**

**I do not own Glee at all... Ryan Murphy does... **

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_**Why Do I Have a Watermelon!?**_

It wasn't the best week for one Kurt Hummel. Not only did he witness the man of his dreams sing to another guy, when in fact he thought said guy was going to be him, but to also be kindly rejected by him also. Did I mention that these events happen to take place on Valentine's Day? So yeah, not a great week for Kurt Hummel. It's a good thing he made plans to go home this weekend. Maybe there he can relax and try to cheer himself up, and boy, did he get more than just that. He just wished he could remember it.

Finn just knew something was wrong the moment Kurt walked in the door. Usually his brother would be gushing about his stay at Dalton with that Blaire guy, but when he walked through the door he looked sad and only got in a meek 'Hi'. He decides this is where he comes in. Big bro to the rescue!

As Finn watched his step-brother make his way to the stairs to their room he knew he needed to do something before he lost his chance. "Hey Kurt! How's it been at Dalton?!" He asked with too much excitement.

"Oh, um fine I guess." Kurt replied unenthusiastically.

"Well how are you and that Blaire guy?"

"It's _Blaine _Finn, and everything is fine." said Kurt a bit dryly looking at Finn warily. '_What is he getting at?' _he thought.

"Are you sure? Did anything happen with Blaire?"

"Yes I'm sure Finn, can you just drop the subject!" snapped Kurt. He didn't mean to make it come out sounding snarky but he couldn't help it. Now the look on Finn's face is making him feel guilty.

"Oh… Sorry Dude." apologized Finn.

"Look, Finn. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I haven't had a good week with Blair- Dammit Finn! _Blaine, _I mean. You were only trying to help and I appreciate it." Kurt really was sorry. It wasn't Finn's fault the Blaine didn't want him. He knows he sounded fine when he brought up the topic with Blaine in the coffee shop, but really, would anyone be fine after not having the feelings they harbored for their best friend returned.

"It's cool dude! If you want we can um, you know. Talk about it?"

"No it's fine, but I'll keep that in mind though. I'm just going to head to my room and take a nap or something." Kurt then gave his brother a sincere smile and left to his room.

He had been really touched by Finn's words. He really had been trying to live up to the speech he gave at their parents' wedding. Finn has changed a lot for the better. He is glad that he had a brother looking out for him.

That aside, he can't help but think of the week he's had. '_How can he act like nothing had happened?! Just sit there all week and be his handsome dapper self. Damn him! Clearly I made things weird AND a fool of myself. Why would Blaine want to sing to me anyways? I'm so stupid for even thinking that.' _He thought while taking a look around his room. _'A nap will probably do me good right now. Despite it being the week of Valentine's teachers still bombarded us with homework.' _With that thought he then plugged his Ipod into his speakers, climbed onto his bed, and drifted off to sleep.

Finn was really worried about Kurt. Seeing his own brother really down just isn't something he likes to witness. '_What happened to him at Dalton? I wish I had a button that can, like, make people better automatically. That would be so freaking cool! It would make things easier! Note to self, make this button.' _As he started to contemplate this new found idea Burt came into the room and broke his train of thought.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" asked Burt as he headed to sit next to Finn on the couch.

"A button that will change the world like never before imagined." said Finn with a determined look.

Burt didn't really know how to respond to this. Does he even want to know? No, he does not…

"Right… Has Kurt come home yet?" Burt asked deciding to change the subject before it got any further.

"Yeah! He's in his room. He said he was going to take a nap though so he may be asleep."

Burt wanted to see his son before he left but he didn't want to interrupt his rest. He heard how tough the work could be at Dalton and thought his son needed his rest after his weeks there.

"Ok, well Finn, me and your mother are going out of town this weekend and won't be back 'till Sunday morning."

"Why? Where're you guys going?" asked Finn.

"We are heading up to visit your aunt for the weekend. Apparently she has been having some emotional distress lately and asked for us to come by." replied a random Carole walking into the living room with two suitcases. "We are leaving you guys some money and the number to your aunt's house."

"Now we expect you boys to be on your best behavior while we are away. So no parties or any of that stuff alright. Tell Kurt I love him and be careful." Burt chimed in.

"Bye hun. You and Kurt take care now, and ask Kurt's permission before using the stove… Or microwave… Don't want another incident like last time."

"It wasn't that bad! I only lost my eyebrows!" Finn yelled out.

Carole then made a quick kiss to Finn's cheek and headed out the door along with her husband. '_Huh. So what now? Oh right, Kurt. How should I cheer him up? I have no idea how to go about with this… But, I think I may know the right person who does." _He then got out his phone and typed in a few numbers.

"Hey it's Finn. I kinda need your help with something…" Finn really hopes that what he's doing is going to be for the better.

Twenty minutes later there was a knock at the door. '_He's here.'_ Finn got up and went to open the door where he was then greeted by a smirking Puck holding five shot glasses and a weird colored beverage.

"So, the Puckzilla's assistance has been called?" Puck proceeded walking into the house without being asked in.

"Yeah hey! So I need your help with Kurt. He got home today and he looked sorta down. I figured he could use some cheering up and you are usually great with that man!" replied Finn.

"You know what Hummel is in need of right now?" asked Puck like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"A scarf?" replied Finn with a confused look.

"That was a hypothetical question Frankenteen but no, what our boy needs is a bro's night out!" exclaimed Puck with a fist bump to Finn. "Hummel needs to have a night out with us. One night with the Puckzilla and he will forget all about that hobbit."

"You're not going to have sex with him are you?" asked Finn grossed out.

"What? No! Although I wouldn't fully object to it, your brother has a nice ass."

"Dude!"

"Kidding, kidding! … Or am I?" Finn then tried to punch Puck in his arm but was then caught off guard when Puck tackled him to the ground. They continued to wrestle a bit until they heard a voice from the stairs.

"What in the world is going on here? Puck? What are you doing here?" asked Kurt. Kurt woke up to loud thumps and grunting. So he decided to check out what was going on, only to be greeted with his brother and his friend wrestling on the ground when he reached the foot of the stairs.

Puck got in one last punch to Finn's arm, got up off the ground, and walked over to where Kurt was with the five shot glasses and weird looking drink from earlier.

"Look, Hummel, I got a call from Finn who said you had a crappy week back at Dalton. I figured what better way to get your mind off of this shit is by having yourself a testosterone filled night getting shit-faced with the bros!"

"Finn you told him!?" screeched Kurt a pitch higher than his normal voice.

"Dude I'm sorry but I didn't know how to make you feel better and I thought that Puck could help out best in this situation."

"How could you possibly think that!?" Kurt really was amazed by Finn's way of thinking. '_There must be something wrong with him if Puck was his first choice._' Kurt thought.

Finn shrugged his response back at Kurt who was now pinching the bridge of his nose trying to calm down and not smack his brother in the head.

"Whatever, he told me, blah blah blah, so are you in?" Puck asked getting bored with the scene taking place.

"I don't know Puck I have to think about it."

"That's where you're going about it all wrong. You need to stop thinking and start doing! This night is all about being out there and having some fun after a crappy week! And this is definitely the kind of thing you need right now." Puck said while filling up the five shot glasses he had with him.

Well, Puck wasn't entirely wrong. He did come home to get his mind off of things and maybe he's right. _'Wow. Never thought I'd ever let myself think that.'_ Maybe this is what he needs. _'But should I seriously go with these guys? I was just going to call up Mercedes and have a night of watching chick flics with her, but maybe I should have a boy's night. These guys hardly ever invite me to these things, which I don't complain about, and maybe they are just trying to make up for not being entirely there for me… I am thinking way too much on what should be an easy answer to…"_

"Well….. Fine, ok." Kurt said uneasily not sure if he made the right decision.

"This night is going to be awesome!" shouted Finn.

"Alright Hummel!" Puck high-fived Finn and started filling up the shot glasses with the alcoholic beverage, "Now, to get this night started drink these five shots right here, right now."

"Wait, what!? This is not what I agreed too." Puck can't be serious! He was definitely not drinking. After what happened the last time he drank he definitely didn't want to repeat that.

"C'mon Hummel! I had to go through a lot to get this kind of liquor! I am not letting it go to waste! Like I said, you need to have fun tonight and just not think about what you'll do or how you do it. Finn and I will stay sober just to watch out for you alright. Now drink! Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink." Puck started chanting while pushing the drink in front of his face.

"Finn! Please tell me you're not for this!" Kurt asked hoping his brother will talk some sense into their moronic friend.

"Yeah I don't agree with getting my lil' bro shit-faced here."

"I'm older than you." Kurt chimed in.

Finn ignored his step-brother. "But, Puck is right and this is what you need so…. Drink, drink, drink, drink!"

As they both started chanting 'Drink' Kurt got to thinking…. But then stopped. Oh what the hell! And with that, Kurt downed the first shot. It had sent a burning in his throat but it felt strangely good.

"Wow, this is strong. What's in this?" Kurt asked.

"The guy who sold this to me said that they just put their two strongest drinks into one." said Puck reading the label on the bottle that didn't have much information.

After taking the second shot Kurt was starting to feel more than funny.

"You know, this isn't half bad! This is great actually!" He exclaimed.

Third shot.

"You are right Noah! I do need this night! All thoughts of Blaine and his dapperness to erase from my mind! Like I should be stuck here moping about him!"

After the fourth shot Kurt then staggered onto the couch and made a pose with one leg stepping on to the top of the couch and a hand on his hip while the other was holding his fifth shot glass.

"Men. We are going to have ourselves the most amazing night ever! We will sail out into the open night sky creating memories and then this story shall be told to our unborn children of how we totally turned this town upside down. I AM GOING TO REMEMBER THIS NIGHT FOREVER!" Kurt then downed his fifth shot.

He wished he remember what happened after that, because the next morning he woke up back in his dorm at Dalton with a HUGE headache, a stinging soreness in his lower back, and a….. watermelon?

'_Why do I have a watermelon?' _

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**So this is the starting off point to my story and I most likely continue it. Please review and tell me what you think I would very much appreciate it. **


	2. Chapter 2

**EDIT: So I came back to this story and didn't like what I saw, so I changed it up. It's the same thing but with added content and such.**

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"Why does he have a watermelon?" a familiar voice asked.

'_Wait… What? Wes?!'_

"Not so loud, you're going to wake him up." whispered another voice. '_David?'_

"Hey guys! You wouldn't believe the phone calls I got last night!" exclaimed Blaine running into the room.

'_Oh Gaga Blaine shut up! Wait… Blaine!?'_

"Ssshhhh!"

"You're going to wake him up!" whispered Wes. Well, more like yelled.

"Kurt's here? I need t- " Before Blaine could finish the rest of his sentence a voice cut him off.

"Oh my God can everyone just shut the hell up." groaned Kurt from where he was laying down.

"Kurt. What happened here?!" asked a confused Wes.

"And why do you have a watermelon?" asked an equally confused David.

Kurt took an actual look around his room and safe to say, it was trashed. He wasn't even on his bed. He was on the floor, near his desk, and with no shirt on. _'Wait… No shirt?! Oh crap! I'm in the same room as Blaine! This is so embarrassing!' _Kurt tried to quickly get up but immediately regretted doing so. '_Ohhh my head, but where is my shirt? And that stinging in my back! Oh, there's my shirt… On my mounted deer head? Where'd I get that?! And this watermelon?! What did I do last night!?' _As Kurt headed to the other side of the room Wes noticed something on his lower back.

"Oh my god." Wes said to himself but David heard and followed his gaze. He then started hitting Blaine's arm to get his attention to the lower back of their hung over counter-tenor.

"David, stop hit- Oh." Blaine couldn't really comprehend what he was seeing. It's like his brain wasn't functioning on the sight bestowed onto him.

As the three Warblers stood gaping as Kurt put on his shirt, it was then that Blaine decided he should say something.

"Kurt? Did you always have that tattoo?" He tried to ask casually.

"What tattoo?" asked Kurt. The Warbler trio then all looked around at each other not sure of what to say.

"What… Tattoo?. " Kurt asked again this time more persistent.

"You may want to look at your back side." David said trying to hold back a smirk.

As Kurt got his shirt off he went over to his little mirror and tried to catch a glimpse on something he hoped wasn't there, but as faith would have it there it was: 'Forever' written across his lower back in perfect cursive along with the right half of heart.

"Oh my God, Kurt. You have a tramp stamp!" said a wide-eyed but pink Blaine who was trying not to gaze too much at Kurt's shirtless chest, because it was really appropriate checking out your best friend while they are in distress. Wait, he wasn't checking him out. Merely admiring… Yeah, admiring.

"I am having a hard time trying to keep in my laughter, but this is hilarious!" exclaimed David who was grinning way too much.

"I for one think this is just golden what we have here in our presence." chimed in Wes taking out his phone and snapping a few pictures for later on in case he needs it for his blackmailing purposes.

Glaring at Wes, Kurt started putting his shirt back on and tried to think of how he had gotten this horrible tattoo. . '_This can NOT be happening. I am going to murder Finn and Puck. Wait a minute. Finn and Puck! They were with me last night! They may know what happened!' _As Kurt came to that conclusion he started to frantically search for his phone.

"What are you doing?"

"I am looking for my phone." Kurt said searching around where he woke up.

"Kurt, what exactly happened with you last night?" asked a slightly bewildered Blaine.

"And where did you get the watermelon?" asked David.

"I wish I knew the answer to that." answered back Kurt and really, he did wish he knew the answer to those questions.

"What do you mean?" asked Wes.

Kurt tried to think long and hard about the night before as he started searching for his phone. "I hardly remember anything from last night," Kurt said, stopping in his process of finding his phone to think about it. "There were a lot of pretty lights though." He proceeded to look for his phone, but couldn't find it anywhere.

"But how did all this end up happening?" The three Warblers wanted so much to get the backstory behind this bizarre setting.

"Well… Puck had come over because Finn had called him up who had noticed I wasn't myself. Puck then came up with this crack-ass idea about me thinking and not doing or something like that which ended in me taking five shots of some weird drink that didn't even look legal. Where is my phone? Blaine, can I see your phone please?"

"Yeah sure."

"Thank you." Kurt then started to type in Finn's number.

"Who are you calling?" Blaine asked.

"Finn." Kurt answered, "If there is anyone who I assume may know what happened last night it is him."

"Ask him about the watermelon." David chimed in.

As Kurt put the phone to his ear waiting for an answer he started to hear ringing coming from his bathroom. He, along with the three boys all headed to where the noise was coming from. As they made their way to the bathroom they found Finn sprawled on the ground face up with what appeared to be make-up on his face, and shirtless also. He started to move a bit trying to look for the sound but when he opened his eyes he seemed to take in the company he had with him, but not before receiving a pain in his head.

" Oh my God, my head, " Groaned Finn, "Kurt, hey umm why am I here?" He asked finally noticing his surroundings.

"Finn. Do you have any idea what happened last night after I took those shots?" asked Kurt cutting to the chase. "You, um, also seem to have a bit of make-up on your face."

"Yeah kinda, I sorta got shit-faced when we left from the house so I don't know much after that. Puck said it was fine since he was going to be sober." Finn said while trying to get up.

"I'm going to need you to fill me in on what you remember Finn, and do you know what I did to my phone?"

"Oh… Yeah, about that."

"Finn… What happened to my phone?" demanded Kurt.

"Ok, but promise to not get mad… "

"I assure you I will. Now tell me."

"Fair enough. So this is what happened." As Finn was about to tell his experience he remember the last tidbit of information Kurt shared with him. "Hold on a minute, did you say I have make-up on my face!?"

"Seriously dude, I'm not even sure anymore if I want to hear this story at this point." stated Wes looking at Finn's dolled up face.

"But Wes, what about the watermelon?" David replied.

"… Good point."

"Finn, the story." said an exasperated Kurt.

"Oh. Right."

_Flashback…._

_After Kurt had drank the five shots he was now just staring into the room with a blissful look._

"_Puck you genius you!" slurred Kurt "This night, you know, tonight's night. Will be the night of alllll nights. Blaine who? Not important to me so I don't care!"_

_Puck and Finn looked on with amusement at their intoxicated friend._

"_Yeah, like. Who's Blaine Warbler? What was his deal!? I don't know! And I.. Don't… Caaarreee." Kurt finished his sentence giggling like a mad man. "Yeeaahh he's not important to me at all whatsoever!….. I should give him a call." As Kurt took out his phone, the amused looks on the two sober boy's face slightly vanished but now held a small look of panic._

"_I don't think that would be a good idea dude." said Finn._

"_Finn is right Hummel. Now give me the phone." Puck added._

"_NO! Yoouuu guys said that IIII , mee, needs to do! So I am doing it! He-he. Doing it." As kurt (and Finn) chuckled at what he said, he started his attempt at typing in the Warbler's number_

"_Look dude, if you try to call Warbler dude I will grab your phone, and destroy. It." threatened Puck._

_Kurt stuck his tongue out at Puck and proceeded to call Blaine thinking Puck was only bluffing._

"_HEE-" and that's as far Kurt got because at that moment Puck grabbed his phone and threw it at the wall causing it to split down the middle._

"_Dude…. You just asked for a death sentence." said Finn with a scared look._

"_I know."_

"_Heeeeyyy you're sooo meeaaan! I just wanted to talk to him!" slurred out a sad Kurt._

"_I hope I won't have to be the one to explain to him why he doesn't have a phone." said Finn._

_End of Flashback…._

"He threw my phone against the wall!?"

"Well, yeah"

"HE THREW MY PHONE AGAINST THE WALL!" Kurt all but screeched. Wes, David, and Blaine had never seen Kurt this mad before and honestly, they were scared for this Puck guy.

"You were going to call that gargler dude!" replied Finn thinking that would make it better.

"So you couldn't just have taken it away and put it somewhere I couldn't get it like a normal person would?! You just HAD to throw it to the wall!?"

"No we c- oh wait, we never really thought about that. Sorry bro." Finn finished with sheepish smile.

As all this was going Blaine couldn't help but think of what has just been said and the voicemails he received. He didn't know what to think. After the whole Valentine's incident he has been thinking a lot of what Kurt has said. It's not like he never thought of it before, he just didn't think he is was what Kurt really wanted because he was the first gay guy he met, but hearing what is being said is having him think otherwise.

Kurt was both furious and embarrassed. Furious that these two buffoons looked after him, and at himself because he let himself be looked after these two buffoons. Embarrassed because now Blaine knows he had a self-pity party about him and as it turned out, it wasn't so great.

"One more question Finn. How in the world did I get this tattoo?!" Kurt turned around and lifted his shirt so his brother could see.

Finn started to laugh. '_How dare he laugh at me! He is no position to laugh at me right now!'_ As Finn got closer to try to examine Kurt's tattoo closely he winced a bit noticing a soreness to his lower back.

"Dude. What's that on your back?" David asked.

" Whaa?" Finn tried to look with his own eyes but couldn't really catch a good glimpse, instead turning his back to the others. Everyone in the room, however, got a great view.

"Oh Gaga."

"This…. This is amazing."

"I may die happy now. Actually no, I still want to know why you have a watermelon!"

"This can't be good."

"Dude what's on my back!?" asked a worried Finn.

"You may want to take a look in the mirror." stated Blaine.

As Finn headed out of the bathroom and to Kurt's mirror in his dorm, he started to think of a list of things that could be on his back but what he saw in the mirror gave him a look of horror. On his lower back was the word 'Brothers' in the same cursive as Kurt's tattoo along with the other half of the heart.

"When did this happen!?" exclaimed Finn. "And why do I look like fucking Barbie!"

"That is what I am trying to find out!" Kurt cried out with as much emotion as Finn.

"I think it's adorable!" everyone looked to David with a weirded out look.

"Fine, it's not adorable."

"C'mon boys. It's really not all that bad." a deep voice spoke out.

As all of them turned their necks to Kurt's _closet_ they were greeted with a smiling….

_Drag queen!? _

This is going to be a long day.

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**So that's the end of that chapter I hope you guys enjoyed it:) Next chapter coming soon.  
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